RECIPE FOR LIVER/BLOOD DEFICIENCY

275 lbs of “emotional clam”, hostile, jealous supervisor
3 oz of flat male clinician with no opinion
2 cups of skin picked off meth addict faces
1 teaspoon of the eye brows they plucked while tweaking
1 whole Subway sandwich with extra meatballs and cheese
2 pieces of string cheese, four apples for my supervisor's snack (if you eat healthy, you can have 2X as much- remember guys, no holds barred)
4 florescent overhead lights that hum
A rough chop of Similac (to aid in meth production)
16,000 books about burnout telling me that there is something wrong with me
1 question on the Licensure exam that says, “people more susceptible to burnout are those who are insecure and compulsive workoholics who are unfulfilled in their personal life”
1 group room smelling of burnt coffee
20 Sumo Wrestlers full of overwhelming suppressed anger and frustration
1 hypochondriac, neurotic Jew

This entry will be broken into three sections. I think it is important to address all three issues (Person, Environment and Person in the Environment) in categories to create some clarity for the newby who is trying to understand what causes burnout. What I have learned so far is that there is no clear ingredient that leads to it. Merely a conglomeration of factors that add up and push you over the edge. Sort of like an acupuncturist explains an allergy attack. Your body can only take so many allergens until the glass is full and the liquid seeps over and you start sneezing. Today, we will discuss the individual. (Don't worry, we'll get back to the recipe).

I recently went in for acupuncture treatment due to neck and shoulder tension that developed while I was working at my last job. While I have been off from work for a couple of months, let me tell you, burnout doesn't just disappear when you leave your job. I realize that I took on a lot more energy that I needed to while I was at work, but I have been working on letting it go. Sometimes, while your mind is ready to do that, your body isn't, so you need a little Chinese herbal magic. It works for everything else. Seriously, about five years ago, I had severe hay fever. I went to an acupuncturist who pressed on my forehead and put some vials labeled, “cat hair” and “cottonwood trees” filled with liquid in my hand, inserted the needles at various points on my body, made me itch and 6 weeks later, I didn't have allergies. Kid you not. So for those of you non-believers out there, Quidditch is real. So, my acupuncturist diagnosed me with liver blood deficiency. This sounds like some late stage alcoholism disease, which is what I thought initially, all those extra cocktails from the college years finally catching up with me. No, it's actually this ying imbalance that is caused by repeated emotional suppression namely anger and frustration. It's symptoms include heavy menstrual cycles (I'm sure all you guys out there are thrilled to find out about that, but really how may male social workers are there?), floaters in front of your eyes, extreme neck and shoulder tension and dizziness. All this, she could tell by looking at my tongue. Dude, I'm in the wrong profession.

Anyway, I was glad that someone had finally confirmed to me what I had been doing to myself all along. Moreover, this also confirmed that there was nothing wrong with me (that some Chinese Herbs and treatments weekly for about 6 weeks (and it's covered by insurance), but finally, some proof that Social work is not good for clinicians. The scary thing is that we continually subject ourselves to this torture until our bodies or minds finally don't allow us to do it anymore. This threshold of course can be different for some people. I've read about several people developing ulcers, having heart attacks- etc- from burnout. In the The Truth about Burnout, Maslach talks about the organization blaming the individual when really the problem lies in the structure. Moreover, while the organization thinks a quick fix would be to fire the individual or just take care of health problems as they arise, they don't take into account that if they just made a few small changes in business practice, they could save thousands of dollars in hospital bills for their employees. But that would be like asking Bush to Save Darfur rather than spending all the war money where it's really needed- in Iraq and Afghanistan. Organizations don't like to make changes. And so the problems continue and we have more and more unhealthy social workers. Have you seen any older healthy social workers in agencies? For the most part, they go to private practice so they don't have to deal with all this stuff. The older social workers you see in agencies tend to look something like the old lady on the anti smoking ad, except over weight. So, they sit smoking through their tracheotomy hole, with a brandy in the other hand and the carton of cigarettes next to them talking about their recent colonoscopy and masectomy. This sounds pretty dark, but there are a lot of workers out there like that. I know for one that I don't want to make it that far just to turn into that lady. I want to lead a healthy and productive life.

So, let me tell you a bit more about my suppressed anger in a structured way. First off, even if barely any literature or any professionals, because they are so god damn high and mighty, agree with me, I have determined that burnout is more of an environmental factor. That doesn't mean that my neuroticism doesn't contribute to burnout. Actually, let's talk about this for a minute. If you notice in my ingredients, I make two comments about personality types who are susceptible to burnout. First off, just because I'm Jewish, doesn't make me more likely to burnout. If that were the case, I'd have to start playing the culture card more often because we'd deserve special privileges. Jews are compulsive and more highly anxious people, we went through the Holocaust, therefore, you can't give us as high of a workload because we'll burnout. Well, technically, the Licensure board is pretty much saying that. Let's discuss. I was informed there is a question on the Licensure test that says, people susceptible to burnout are insecure. compulsive and unfulfilled in their personal lives. Way to go social work! That's the way to keep Jews in the profession! They might as well spell out Jews not allowed if they are talking about people who are compulsive and insecure. I knew antisemitism was still alive!

First off, anyone who is not insecure starting off in their profession should be kicked out. Great story about my supervisor. One time, she was doing this color wheel test and she passed it around the office to everyone. The color wheel was basically how you are feeling inside and how other people observe your behavior. Not necessarily the same as how you observe your behavior. (Just a note that social workers and helping professionals are supposed to be more self aware- it's what makes us good practitioners. In order to help others, we have to know how we come across.) She prints out and gives her profile to the whole office which was basically, “you are very insecure and come off as cold and emotionally unaffected to others”. I almost burst out laughing. She said, “I totally don't come off as cold, everyone thinks I'm warm and friendly” - I'm thinking like dolphins are warm and friendly on rye with some mayo (South Park reference). She continues in the next breath to say, “you come off as feeling you are superior by continually justifying your insecurities”. She's like, “this is totally way off, I never do any of these things”.

First, I took the test and it hit me dead on. I sent it out to a bunch of my friends and they all wrote back (people never respond to forwards) saying how eerie it was. Except for one of my friends who also has no self insight. My point is that if you say you aren't insecure, you are an idiot and shouldn't be in the helping profession. Obviously, we need to have confidence, but you build confidence by getting better at something and how do you get better at anything if you don't have a good teacher? I recently had a mentor say to me that she believed that the lack of feedback in schools and in agencies borders on abuse. Finally, someone is getting it. Insecurity also arises when there are enough assholes in denial saying that they aren't insecure (when they are the most insecure) telling people who say that they are insecure that they SHOULD BE insecure. Basically, what the social work board is promoting with the statement that insecure people are not fit to be social workers is that people who have no self-insight would be better social workers because they are not subject to burnout. The only people who burnout are people with serious issues.

Alright, it's time to really open up a can of whoop ass. Now, as far as social workers using the term “compulsive workoholics”, they don't know how to move faster than snails at the office. At all of my jobs, I have been called a “powerhouse”, a “hard worker”. But I am the last person not to take a day off if I'm not feeling well. I'm also the last person to feel guilty about cancelling appointments with clients if I'm sick. Workoholics are people that would rather be at work than at home. In my case, that would have been sadistic. I will work forty hours a week, but I will not work more than that- especially in the case of salary. I was also very responsible about taking and scheduling my time off, much to the chagrin of my lifeless coworkers. As I filled my weekends with trips and activities- anything to get me as far from the office as possible, my supervisor once confided in me, “my husband's out of town this weekend and our tv is broken. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself”. I sat there aghast. My supervisor spent more time at the office than I did. She would come in on weekends when her husband was out of town because she didn't know what to do with herself. Moreover, the other clinician would share every detail of his personal life and if his kids weren't going to be around for the weekend, he would work. “I'll come in on Sunday just to get some things wrapped up”. While I moved more at the pace of a rabbit at the office, I always got everything that I needed to get done, done during office hours. I never saw a need to work overtime. Last, working with people with disabilities, I worked sometimes almost 50 hours a week, but I got paid more and enjoyed what I was doing. Therefore, time zipped by. At this job, I counted the minutes until it was time to leave. (My last day at work, I was scheduled to leave at 3pm. My supervisor comes and puts a whole bunch of things that she just got to last minute and tells me she needs me to handle them and puts her coat on. I told her no way, I'm out. It's not like the agency would write me a letter of recommendation anyway. In fact, they said there was a policy against that. So, one and a half years out of my life of blood, sweat and tears and if a future employer contacts the agency, all they get to hear is when I worked there? Way to devalue people.) Bottom line, I would not call these the makings of a workoholic.

Last, anyone who is susceptible to burnout is unfulfilled in their personal life. WHAT? I was the only one with a personal life. In fact, I was the only one with a personality. The only thing that kept me going during the day was that I knew I could get home and blow my paycheck on going out to fancy dinners with friends, my family and my husband. Moreover, if anything, burnout of my job contributed to me not wanting to spend time around friends. In fact, I got so drained at work, I didn't want to be social and I also hated talking on the phone because I sounded so depressing. Everyone I knew was telling me to quit my job and all I would do was go around in circles about how I only a few months left. This is not the sign of someone unfulfilled in her personal life, but someone who got so burned out by her job that she didn't even want to surround herself with people who could help her out of it. I think this is a self fulfilling prophecy. A conspiracy by the LCSW to create burnout in a certain breed of people.

Now, there is no argument on my part that there is a certain type of person who is more susceptible to burnout. But, I don't think we are adequately able to describe them. The only thing we do know is that the only person who doesn't burnout is the trained scientologist. Scientologists aren't insecure because they know they are not gay and Matt Lauer is glib. Scientologists are not workoholics because they pay good money to make sure that other people do it for them and they also use the e-meter to do stress tests. Furthermore, they are not unfulfilled in their personal lives because they have Scientology. So, why doesn't the social work community just decide to breed a whole group of Stepford Wives. If there is already a “type” of person that they welcome into the community. They should just advertise for those people and let the people know what they are getting into beforehand. That way, we would know that we were getting into a profession that advertises “change” externally, but fears it internally and does everything they can to avoid it.

Tomorrow, onto the environment and maybe a bit more on the person.