I declare this a hippie moment! This has been an interesting time of reflection. Recently, I have been able to provide some advice to other social workers. Last week, I had a friend who called me when her cheap supervisor refused to buy a lock for their client drawer. Since my friend was pissed about it, I advised her to stand up to the boss and feed her the laws of confidentiality. She listened to my advice and said, “that was the first time I stood up to her and it felt good”. In turn, this made me feel good that I was able to play a part in making a change by giving advice. Hey, maybe my ranting and raving serves a purpose after all! My hope is that there are enough people out there who are willing to take a risk and not have our spirits crushed, back down or conform that we can make our point. That's when change starts happening and when we deserve respect for what we do. Social Workers do not deserve respect for being self-sacrificial martyrs who put everyone's needs before their own.
I also discovered that when surrounded by NORMAL people, that I continue to have a positive motivating effect on them. At my gym, one of my friends asked me where I got my great tan, I told her that there's nothing like a little fake and bake (which by the way is a cure for low spirits- UV rays and a hot look), and some makeup (but it has to be expensive because otherwise you turn orange). Two days later, she told me she went out and purchased the makeup and also wanted to know what I ate when I was running so much. Two days later, she purchased the sports energy fuel that I had told her about and was happy when it gave her more energy. This is not an ad for Gleukos. Just felt good to know that I made someone happy by sharing tanning secrets.
(Note about self: The one thing that I will not put down about myself is my looks. I'm cute and I'm in good shape. I run, do yoga, stay up on fashion and wear heels whenever possible. Anyone who doesn't needs to learn the power of heels. It's refreshing when people recognize this about me and ask for fashion or self-care tips. Moreover, anyone who doesn't understand why you would want to wear heels, when you could wear Alligators or Birkenstocks needs to check their heads. Do they get all the looks when they go out? Or do I? Air Raid! Bitches all of you! (Parker Posey- Dazed and Confused) Maybe there is a bit of self-sacrifice in heels (you have to get a few blisters to get hot- but you get those from Alligators too- they are SO uncomfortable and cause athletes foot), but that's different because the pros outweigh the cons. Bear with me for a sec.
Pros to wearing heels: 1. your calves get strong, 2. people automatically look at taller people- taller people are more successful, 3. you feel better in heels. There is actually a stiletto 5k). The cons: 1. occasional blister and 2. uncomfortable feet. So, while you have to pay a price of wearing 4 inch Jimmy Choos (not that I can afford any, but if it's good enough for SJP...), you gain a general sense of well being, which is obviously important. For those of you who also can't afford Jimmy Choos, head to your local Forever 21 or Shoe Pavillion and pick up a pair of cheaper heels (I have $29 comfortable ones). Make sure the heel is thicker than a stiletto (you'll wobble), but thinner than a platform (platforms are totally passe). And voila, naturally hot.
Maybe I need to move to New York because my values jibe a bit more. There, you can walk outside without getting the once up from every chick on the block because you are wearing sunglasses and heels. One more comment about fashion sense in cities where people HAVE NONE. Does it bother anyone when you go out to dinner in the wintertime, that you wore your best getup for your anniversary or a celebratory dinner and you can't take your god damn jacket off? I mean what is it about most towns in New England, and the Pacific Northwest that you are expected to show off the latest version of the North Face line? Sorry, did I miss the runway special on this, because it was NEVER ON! Last time I checked, North Face and LL Bean wasn't running a fashion show. It serves a purpose, but for those of us who are lucky enough to be able to afford heat, let's use it!
Especially if it's 20 outside. That way, we can actually show off the cute little dress we bought for the occasion, or look cuter in a simple tank. However, in less fashion conscious towns, no one cares about their appearance and think that it's all about their minds. I am definitely not one to prefer body over brains, but, I definitely don't think that's an excuse to let long hairs grow from your chin as a woman. (I always just want to pick the hairs when I see people like that).
If you go to LA, it's not like they have their air conditioners cranked year round to cool down the restaurants. The restaurants encourage people to show a little skin and look their best. LA is over the top as far as people putting their bodies on display, but it encourages people to look their best when they go out. I like that. It is an extreme in that there is so much silicon in that city that it puts a substantial hole in the ozone layer. But, PC and ultra progressive towns (New England, Pacific Northwest) are an extreme in the wrong direction believing in function as fashion. Clothes are purely function and casual and most people pride themselves on getting dressed in the dark. The more you can make a political statement in your chose attire, the better. Be recycle conscious and buy things that don't create waste. Instead of buying a wedding gown from Vera Wang, have your dress made from recycled paper because it's saving the trees.
You know what? If we want to save the trees, let's legalize marijuana so that we don't kill all the trees and use hemp instead! And if we want to save the environment, sign up for a charity run and don't throw your recyclable cans in the garbage. Don't worry about the fact that your one little bottle of hair crème (even though it controls the frizz and makes you look hot) is destroying the environment and instead decide to boycott washing your hair because it creates more “natural oils”. Those natural oils smell like shit and piss everyone else off! I don't call this activism, I call it complete lack of self-respect. I refuse to run around in long underwear and four layers of capilene wherever I go. “I have a nice body, and I wanna show it off!” - Eric Cartman. Also, just because the general sentiment of the town is that everyone should just be alike and wear sweaters or Patagonias in fancy restaurants, doesn't mean that we have to conform. I refuse and will simply ask them to turn up the heat! If you look hot enough, usually the male waiter will comply. With that said, moving right along.
I promise, I'm getting back to social work. The point is displaying self respect in our behavior and our appearance. While I don't thrive on controlling people or telling them what to do, I think that the fact that I have this attitude influences others if they respect it. This influence demonstrates why I got into social work in the first place. It makes me feel good when people ask me for advice, or when people are rewarded by suggestions I make. This seems really simple, but for me, it's a quality that I possess (I think), that people are motivated by my suggestions. People like my fashion, my uniqueness and me (not that everyone does, but some do, the others can go do their own thing, I couldn't motivate them if I wanted to). I need to be able to use that ability in my work. This may sound like narcissism but it's a skill that is simply different from other helpers' ability to listen and stay completely non-emotional and non-judgmental. As a therapist, I believe that my opinion matters and that offering it to people can be helpful for them.
This is why I enjoyed working with people with disabilities so much. I noticed a concrete difference in their lives based upon simple decisions you help them make or when you act as a model for them, they look up to you and start doing things differently. I would get comments from parents and families that they had seen so much difference in their family members socially and vocationally and were sad to see me go as an influence. I once had a parent who was grateful to me because her daughter started talking again a few months into our work together. These differences are notable and make someone feel good about themselves. This is a reason to get involved in helping others. Nurses work in a hospital, work in homes where they give direct care, help with medications and because of them, their patients get better or are supported. These differences are concrete. Doctors do the same in an ER or any hospital. While they hold a tremendous amount of responsibility, they support their clients.
Therapists see clients once a week under usually false pretenses. Even clients who want help usually don't bear all to their therapists (as previously mentioned). Therapists are not privvy to their real lives, their real interactions and their real communication. They base their beliefs on client self report. And if therapists are not to use the client relationship as part of therapy, they really suck (as in the therapists that I sought help from- more on the sucky helping professionals later).
Therapists have no ability to know whether there really was a change in their clients life. Their clients could be coming in and make things up. Clients tend to idealize their therapists and want the one objective person in their lives to recognize them as different or special, someone who stands out from the other clients. But really, if the caring and the relationship is vacant, there is no help available. In my opinion, caring comes from the clinician taking an active interest and role in the clients life. It's difficult to do that in a therapy situation where everything is so staged. It's possible to do it, but you don't have evidence as you would in a more natural environment. If you work in someone's home and work as a mentor, you work with the family and the individual in their normal environment. Then, as they make mistakes or do something well, you give suggestions or praise and get the whole “system” on the same page, rather than just telling the individual something. This is WAY more powerful and effective in my opinion, and leaves out all the psychoanalysis involved with going to a therapist. Not that if someone doesn't find the right therapist, that they can't benefit from that relationship as well. However, once again, there is a need for an emotional tie that is not necessarily tangible to happen before work begins.
That was my food for thought for today. Next time, I'll get back to the 6 factors contributing to burnout.
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